Warning: Graphic Content

People say that sometimes you can see your child’s future profession by observing their strengths and disposition.  If this is true than Harper is destined to be a dictator of a small South American country.

Harper has all the typical personality markings of a toddler.  She demands infinite and total control of her surroundings and her minions, aka Mommy, Sister, Brother and Daddy.  This expression of total control can be witnessed in every aspect of her life.  She refuses to brush her hair, wash her hair, take a bath, wear shoes, wear appropriate clothes or clothes at all, take medicine, eat her vegetables, eat food, drink water, buckle her seat belt, share her toys, etc.  In other words, she will do what she wants, when she wants or Lord help the person standing in the way.  This willfulness and domination has also included potty training.

Yes, I am going there.

Harper is 3 years and 8 months old.  I started potty training her at 18 months.  She pretty quickly caught on to peeing in the potty and hated wearing a diaper at night and so her ability to “hold it” was quite advanced at a very early age.  Harper has total control of her kidney and bladder.  As a matter of fact if we could isolate the gene for this total control perhaps we could solve the obesity crisis.  This child has the ability to “hold it” for up to 15 hours.  She “holds it” for so long that I’m amazed that she hasn’t given herself a kidney infection.

As a result you can imagine how this affected our ability to get her to go “#2” in the potty.  At first she clung to using her diapers but when I produced a Minnie Mouse pink bicycle and told her she could have it once she pooped in the potty – well, the gauntlet had been thrown.  If I knew then about the battle of wills that was before me I don’t think I would have bought the bike.  Harper agreed to not poop in diapers.  I rejoiced in my success and smugly felt I had beaten my tiny dictator.  But before my victory lap was complete she announced that she also was not going to poop in the potty.  She explained quite sweetly that she wasn’t going to poop – EVER.

Now, you and I know as rational adults that you can’t do this.  We know that your body will make you do this whether you want to or not.  UNLESS YOU ARE HARPER AND WIELD UNQUESTIONABLE CONTROL OVER YOUR ENTIRE SURROUNDINGS.  Harper didn’t poop – FOR SEVEN DAYS.  I’m not sure how much experience you have being around a constipated and control freak 3 year old but let me show you what it was like:


After several hours of blood-curdling screams and impassioned pleas by me, Harper agreed to sit on the potty.  She screamed and cried, sweat was pouring down both of our heads.  I frantically rubbed her back and tried to say soothing things while tears streamed down my face.  She screamed and screamed and screamed and finally she pooped.  And as we both sat there in the bathroom, slumped on the floor, emotionally exhausted, Harper wrapped her little arms around my neck and said, “Do I get my bike now?”

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