Choices
David quit his job.
Just like that.
No new job lined up. No security blanket of independent financing.
He quit.
He quit because after a year of 50+ hours a week and an hour long commute and a job that was stressful and never ending in its demands it was time.
Nothing can force you to clarify your values and your life like a new baby. A new baby is all encompassing in its demands and there is no ignoring the impact. And so David found himself with a new baby, a wife crippled with postpartum depression and a job that was demanding his heart and soul. Something had to give.
I wish I could say that the decision seemed clear to us but it didn’t. We struggled with the overwhelming aspect of our lives and felt lost and trapped. What were we to do? We just bought a house, had a baby, how could we survive without an income? And yet, it was a simple phone call from my mother that put us straight. She simply said, “Stop playing scared”.
Life gets like that when you start having kids – when you grow up. The consequences of your decisions have far-reaching impact and you start to drive through your life white-knuckled and scared of the “what-ifs”. However, life should never be lived from behind a rock – from the point of safety and when my mother so clearly told us that we were being cowards we knew what we needed to do. You can either own life or life can own you but either way it is a choice. So David and I chose.
The truth is that I’m not that worried. David is very talented and well liked. I’m sure he will land a job soon and indeed he’s been rather busy interviewing and fielding a variety of opportunities. That isn’t the best part of this story though – the best part has been seeing him smile again. The best part has been waking up everyday with a husband who is present, relaxed and excited about his own life again. We’ve gone to the lake, seen movies in the middle of the day, had family dinners EVERY night and generally enjoyed being a family again.
At the end of the day it is the choices we make everyday that determines what is important to us – where our values sit. I’m proud of the fact that my husband had the courage to stand up and choose his family above all other obligations. Now then, anybody looking for a great creative director?
Feed The Soul
Food is like a cooling balm on an agitated soul. Nothing brings me back to center, back to peace like cooking. There is something rhythmic and elegant about gliding through one’s kitchen adding this and chopping that. My number one go to comfort food during times of stress is spaghetti. For many this may be a jar of sauce and some noodles but for me this is a meal that touches my most inner spirit.
Although my mother is Jewish she has always made her spaghetti sauce from scratch. To this day I have no idea where she learned to make spaghetti sauce. I don’t know if she found the recipe in a book or if some strange Italian woman bestowed her secrets. My mother has just always known how to make it and she has never used a written recipe. One of the first things my mother ever taught me to make was spaghetti sauce. I have spent countless hours in my mother’s kitchen talking about school, work, life all while stirring a pot of tomatoes and herbs. The strong smell of basil and oregano permeating the house. The silent dance as we gathered boiling water, toasted French bread and tossed salad. My mother and I have made this meal so many times together that instructions are no longer required. We quietly fall into our roles and the meal is produced as if by magic.
David and I face an ocean of uncertainty at the moment. We both are pretending like we’re not worried. We say encouraging things to each other, smile, hug, give each other big pep talks but the undercurrent in our lives right now is one of “what if”. I plated the spaghetti and sat it on the table. Little green piles of salad tossed in a simple vinaigrette snuggled up against the circle of pasta. The kids told knock-knock jokes and David obliged them with smiles and giggles. As I filled my stomach with my mother’s spaghetti sauce I was transported back to her kitchen and the feeling that my mother was hugging me from thousands of miles away. Everything will be fine.
Life is always going to surprise you with riotous change but it is the simple foundational pieces of your life that will carry you along – like knowing how to make a good spaghetti sauce from scratch.
MaMa Callaway’s Spaghetti Sauce
1lb ground beef
1 small onion
3 garlic cloves
1 large can diced tomatoes
2 large cans of tomato sauce
1 can of tomato paste
3 Tbs Oregano
1 Tbs Basil
1 Tbs Garlic Salt
1 Tbs Sugar
Dice the onion, and mince the garlic. Sauté both in the bottom of a large stock pot with a Tbs of olive oil. Add ground beef and brown while breaking up the meat. Once the meat is cooked drain the fat off. Return the meat to the pot and add the cans of tomatoes, sauce and paste (play with the sauce/paste combination until you get the consistency you like. I prefer mine thicker but it is personal). Add spices – the quantities here are estimates and again you should flavor to your taste preferences. Turn the heat to low and let simmer for 10 minutes. If desired you can also add mushrooms or diced zucchini. Add them with the tomatoes and just make sure you simmer the pot long enough to cook the veggies.
The Clouds Start To Part
You wake up one morning and it feels like somebody has rearranged your bedroom while you slept. Something is different but you aren’t quite sure what has been moved. You feel different. A good different. Suddenly getting out of bed seems possible. That pile of dishes in the sink? Not really that big of a deal. And you realize, for the first time, the clouds are parting. The anti-depressant medication is working. You can breathe again and I do. I breathe deep and long. I tentatively step back into my life like a skittish cat escaping from a box. The depression this time around has been dark, very, very dark. The hopelessness and sadness smothered me and I wasn’t sure I would find my way out, but I am making my way.
It has been hard enough dealing with the sadness but David and I have had so much more on our plate. The new house, the new baby, work problems, and all that stress has stretched our marriage as far as it can go. At some point when so much is piled on, you can’t help but eventually turn on each other. At times it has felt like David and I have been hanging off a cliff and the only thing preventing us from falling off is that God and family have a firm hold of our heels.
We’re not out of the woods – not yet. We haven’t quite made it over the top of the mountain but we can see the top. In the meantime our family has run ahead of us and reached a hand down to help us along. That is what family does. I find myself repeating again, again from Lucy’s ABC Bible Verses “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding” – Proverbs 3:5 I don’t know why so much change and turmoil has come upon us at the same time but it has. What I do know is that all this conflict has forced David and I to take a hard look at our life and path. Sometimes in order for you to make a dramatic change in your life you need dramatic conflict. I will not and cannot lean on my own understanding and so faith is all I have left.
