The Tri-Beth-ca
The Tri-Beth-ca relaxing lake side
David and his brother are the two oldest grandchildren. David’s brother Paul was the first to marry and he chose a sweet girl named Beth. David followed suit by also marrying a girl named Beth. For the past ten years Beth and I have managed to navigate the tricky waters of having the EXACT same name (in fact our middle names are the same too). I can only describe my sister-in-law as just shy of angelic. I cannot imagine her doing anything purposefully malicious or cruel. Everything about her spirit exudes kindness and gentility. I suppose if I had married at a younger age I might have felt the insecurity of comparison or competition, but I haven’t. Beth and I are as similar as we are different. Each of us unique in our strengths and weaknesses. We’ve grown to love and support each other and relish the honor of sharing each others name.
David’s cousin Eric will be the next male grandchild to marry. Eric is a quiet gentle soul and he has selected as his future bride a ‘Beth’. This has meant a long string of Beth jokes and shaking of heads. It is now difficult at restaurants, parties, gatherings to explain that indeed there are three Beths in the room and that it is important to be VERY specific regarding to whom you are speaking. I feel as if all this Beth power should somehow give us the ability to bend time, save the world, or solve the mysteries of the universe. Alas, it has only granted us the power to make really bad jokes.
The new Beth (or Beth3 as we like to call her) and I instantly bonded. I dragged her to watch “Twilight” with me in the movie theater and as the credits rolled she quietly said, “You promise me to not tell anybody in the world that I saw this movie”. Aaah, yes, you will round out the Tri-Beth-ca very nicely.
Wiser? Or Just Plain Old?
It felt like it happened over night. I stood there staring into the mirror and there they were staring back at me. Wrinkles. Oh, they are small and some might call them “character lines” but no matter what flowery language you use they are still wrinkles and they are on MY forehead. I’m 39 and 40 is the next block over. Things are different as I look down the barrel of this milestone and not in the ways I expected.
From the moment David and I met I have always taken great pride in the fact that I’m not a jealous person. I have entertained and fed more than one of David’s ex-girlfriends. I have watched him attend bachelor parties, happy hours, and other events without me and have never thought twice about it. He has spent days at photo shoots with professional models, and his office is frequently filled with beautiful single women. It has never once bothered me. Why? Well, I’m pretty secure with myself and in my relationship. I figure if David was really bent on straying nothing I could ever say or do would stop him. And yet, without warning, things are starting to change.
Before you think that somehow my marriage has hit rocky ground it has not. David and I are as solid and in love as ever. What has changed, is me, and it has a great deal more to do with those suspicious wrinkles on my forehead than I’d like to admit. It all fell into place when I read this recent article by Mommy Track’d. I am more jealous of the women my husband works with and the time he spends away from the house. Why? Because I’m no longer the young, 20-something, career minded, sexy, independent super girl I was when we met. No, my body now wears the scars of two children and four pregnancies. I have stretch marks, and cellulite, and wrinkles. The circles around my eyes, that used to be easily gotten rid of with some ice cubes and good eye cream, no longer vanish over night – or sometimes at all. That high-power, high-paying career that I had forged for myself is now a victim on the sidelines of my life. I can no longer compete with the women that my husband interacts with on a daily basis and at 39 I’m all too aware of it.
David assures me that those things are no longer important to him. He laughs and scowls when I bring it up telling me that in place of those things I have provided him with a home, children, a foundation for him to build his life. That we always have been and always will be soul-mates fatefully locked together. I know he is telling me the truth. I know he means all the words coming from his mouth. But I can’t help but miss that 20-something young super girl and wonder if sometimes he misses her too? I’m not mourning the loss of my younger body (because lets face it, it was never GREAT), but I miss the confidence that the younger me had. I miss the seemingly bottomless pit of belief and passion I felt within myself.
Perhaps that is what getting older and wiser is all about. You lose your unshakable confidence because you more honestly recognize your faults and misgivings. You no longer need the shield of false bravado to get through life but instead gain the greater strength of seeing yourself more nakedly than you ever have before. And this honesty, this unfiltered vision, brings with it fear of who you REALLY are not who you were trying to pretend to be the first 30 years. And just perhaps that is true wisdom.
Don’t Worry Dooce – I’m Coming to Your Rescue
I was first introduced to blogging by reading Dooce (Heather Armstrong). David had returned from a web conference where she had spoken on a round table. He was impressed. He found her funny, and witty and thought I would like her. I started reading her blog in 2004. We had kids the same age and I could completely relate to her voice. My story is not unique and I’m sure many of you found Dooce early in your blogging and/or were inspired by her. Heather is HUGE in the blogging world and will always be one of the few bloggers with that level of success. So this week when she came under attack for doing what most bloggers do everyday I was offended on her behalf.
Now I realize Heather does not need me defending her, nor does she need anybody justifying her actions. However, it is easy to hit a large target and then hide behind our own tiny corner of the internet world fearless of reprisal. That doesn’t seem fair. So Heather, this one is for you.
We’ve all experienced bad customer service. We’ve all had those moments when we wish we could scream from the hilltops that so and so company has screwed us royal and the injustice of it all makes us want to commit violence. I’ve had more than my share and if pressed could recount names, companies and violations of my consumer trust. Heather’s experience with Maytag over the last couple of months was horrific and obnoxious. She was justified in her anger and you know what? Unlike the rest of us she does have a hilltop to scream from about it and she did. Now, some people were quick to call her a bully and that she was abusing her power but that is not how I see it.
Heather Armstrong always has been and always will be a mommy-blogger. Period. She is a mom writing about her life. She is one of thousands of us and yes, she is more famous than the rest of us but she is still a mommy blogger. One of the main functions of mommy-blogging and the reason why any company is interested in us is because we provide honest and trustworthy feedback about products and services that we use. I trust a fellow Mom to be honest with her experiences.
In the five years I have been reading Heather Armstrong I have always found her to be honest, and transparent in any product she has ever mentioned (which does not happen often). I have seen her be very liberal in her praise for companies that have gone above and beyond and careful with her criticism. As a result she has earned my respect and trust. So when she began to blast Maytag on Twitter I knew there had to be more to the story – that this wasn’t Heather blowing hot air for no reason. When she explained the situation it was obvious that she had given Maytag an appropriate amount of time to fix the problem and indeed they eventually provided her with proper customer service.
Would a large company respond to our blog post or Tweets? Absolutely not. However, they should respond. I agree with Heather that we all should complain as loudly as we can when a company violates our consumer trust. Perhaps we won’t get satisfaction but Maytag warranted being embarrassed publicly and they were. The truth is more companies deserve that kind of public lambasting and as mommy-bloggers I feel that is part of our responsibility.
Mommy-blogging has suddenly become over run with writers who are more interested in wooing sponsors than being truly honest about their products. When all product reviews and discussions that you see on blogs are positive, well, it sort of dilutes the purpose and value of those opinions. Heather was honest. She used her powers for good (both by getting her own problem fixed and by getting appliances donated to a woman’s shelter). And trust me, if we all had that power when somebody screwed us, we would wield it without regret.
