Fatherhood
I decided to comment on the latest Momversation which is actually about Dads. I loved the video they did and since the Momversation people are never going to call me I thought I’d do my own video response. Check me out live:
Beth On Dads from Beth Morley on Vimeo.
A Penny Saved
My mother is a frugal woman and she is very proud of her ability to always save for things that are important to her. If she wanted a new refrigerator she would take an envelope, write “new fridge” on the front, and every month she would add a little money to it. It is not a fancy system but it worked for my mother and she has saved and purchased everything from trips to Europe to new cars. From the time I was a small child I can remember my mother doing this, and encouraging me to do the same. When I was twelve years old I saved my babysitting money so I could buy my own phone for my bedroom. It was a simple, white, princess phone and it cost $20, but I paid for it and it was in MY room; lesson learned.
I am now a mother who is raising children in the age of entitlement. Everywhere I turn I see kids who feel that they are “owed” certain privileges and possessions. They expect their parents to buy them a car, cell phones, clothes, trips, etc. I want to empower my children with the knowledge of hard work and the wisdom of saving. I want them to feel the pride that can only come from having saved, scraped and sacrificed for something you desire. Let me introduce you to “The Jar”.
Our old cookie jar is storing more than cookies
I sat down with the kids several weeks ago and had the following conversation:
Me: Okay, we want to go to Disney World when Max is 5. So, we need to start saving money now so we have enough. Mommy is going to put this jar here. Every time we get some extra money we are ALL going to put it in the jar and before we know it we will have the money to go.
Lucy: Can I put in my piggy bank money?
Me: That is your decision. It is your money
Lucy: I want to put in my money. (she retrieves her bank and empties it into the jar). Max, do you want to put your bank money in here too?
Max: YEAH!! ( they get his bank and empty it into the jar)
Me: okay, that is great! I’m really proud of you. Now, we need to think about things we can sell and other ways we can make extra money.
This has caused Lucy to think of different chores she can do in order to earn “Disney dollars”. Her list includes things like; learn to tie her own shoes, sleep in her own bed all night, clean the playroom, and be nice to Max. David and I spent the weekend selling things on Craig’s List (which I love) and letting the kids take the cash and put it into the jar. By the end of the first weekend the jar had over $200.
Previously if the kids found change loose in the house they would fight over whose bank it was going to go into, but now they both rush to put it into the jar. It is not about what “I” want to buy, but what we can do together as a family.
I realize now, as an adult, that the responsible behavior my parents exhibited has left an indelible mark on me. Many people today struggle with the idea of how to save, but for my mother it was always so simple; just a little bit, every month. And so it will be for my children too.
Max: The Child Who Says “No”
Dear Max,
This weekend you learned to use the potty. I realize that as a teenager you will be sufficiently horrified that I felt it necessary to tell the whole world about this milestone, but I have a reason. You, my dear son, do not like to do new things. You like going to new places, you like new people, and you like new food. You do not, however, like doing any activity that isn’t forced, required or outside of your comfort zone.
You were 15 months old before you started walking because you deemed it unnecessary. After all, you were a mighty fine crawler and it seemed silly to rock the boat. You only recently would even go into the water to THINK about swimming and that is because I FORCED you to swim with me. You cried. You screamed. You then realized it wasn’t so bad. This is the same process I used to potty train you. After waiting a ridiculous amount of time for you to “naturally” be ready to use the toilet I woke up Saturday and said to myself; “today is the day”! I proudly announced to you that there would be no more diapers or pull-ups. You could wear underwear or go naked and I didn’t care if you cried, which you did. You cried some more and then Daddy showed you how to pee standing up and all was right in the world. You now proudly acknowledge that you “love” underwear. Really? Because less than 24 hours ago you were throwing a temper tantrum that you hated underwear and you were NEVER going to wear it.
While your sister finds comfort in visiting the same places with the same people, you find comfort in wearing the same clothes and doing the same activities. You are still wearing t-shirts from over a year ago because you refuse to wear any of the new shirts I buy you. You won’t wear long pants but instead, insist on wearing “tiny pants” (otherwise known as shorts). It is not the routine of the day that comforts you, but the knowledge that you have control over certain aspects of your life. Every child is different and I’m realizing that you need to be pushed at different times, at different stages than your sister. Lucy fears change – you just don’t want to put the energy into adapting.
Consider this a warning, cuz boy, I’m on to your game.
